In the Rut of Change
Last night was a little rough. I'm about two and a half weeks into Weight Watchers (ayoo blue planners) and I do okay for breakfast and lunches. It's not until dinner that I start to feel the pressure and turmoil over this kind of commitment. Connor and I are biggg meal box advocates. We LOVE having a company prepare all of our groceries for us for dinner and ship them in the mail. What can be better and easier than that??
Over the past month or so I have been brainstorming what kind of change I want for my life. I knew it was going to be something relating to a healthier lifestyle, but I wasn't sure what it would be yet. I did a couple days of sugar free, a couple days of no carbs, etc. I was "testing out" which direction I was going to try to take. Sugar free and no carb diets might be great for some people - but I don't think it would have ended up great for me in the long run. Because I know myself and my body and I knew I needed to take more of the intuitive eating route. So, I started looking into Weight Watchers again. (I had done it last summer and had great results by the end of the summer! I'm not even totally sure why I stopped it. Probably wanted to feel a little free in football season. Lol.) I remember never feeling like it was a constant battle. That I learned that I just had to pick and choose how I used the allotted points given to me per day. AND..it was so easy to record on your phone. You can scan any barcode of food and it'll automatically tell you what's in it and how many points it'll be for you. So remembering how I liked that, I decided to give it another go. Weight Watchers gives you a short survey at the beginning and based off your answers about eating habits and exercise, it places you into a color category that'll best benefit your journey. The past two weeks have been great and I'm already feeling so better about my changes. But there will always be some challenges in a new journey.
And at the end of that meal where I totally allowed the emotions to control my mind, I realized, this is what I asked for.
I knew that this journey was going to be tough, but I also knew that it could be so freeing spiritually, mentally, and physically. To go along with this, I purchased the devotional Made To Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. And in her book she writes,
"I dare you, dear soul of mine, to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God's Word. Yes, indeed, unsettle me, Lord. Unearth that remnant of justification. Shake loose that pull toward compromise. Reveal that broken shard of secrecy. Expose that tendency to give up. Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when i allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long - suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul."
This prayer has been the background on my phone for the past month. It shouldn't shock me that last night was tough. This is exactly what I've been praying for. So Jesus, continue to unsettle me that I might find completion, satisfaction, rest, a deeper love, thankfulness for what I have, and contentment in the small trials that seem big in the moment. Continue to mold me into more like You.
Here I have linked Lysa TerKeurst's devotional, Made To Crave.