My mornings tend to always look the same - wake up, make coffee, snuggle in on the couch with my morning Bible reading and study. Lately it’s been just that and while that’s all great, I've felt as if I’ve been missing something the past month. Like my relationship and time with God wasn’t what it was or had been. I quit talking to Him.⠀
My closest friends and family know that I am the biggest journal gal. Some might call it a diary but I think that's too early 2000's feel-y where you used to have those Wal-Mart plastic journals that you can tell all of your deepest darkest feelings to through talking. You know what I'm talking about. If you don't, look it up because man it was the thing to have. Or the diary journals that came with a lock and key and if you lost the key it was the end of the WORLD. But not really because there was a little latch on the back of the lock to still unlock it. Didn't know that? Wild, right? Back to the point. I have bookshelves and bookshelves filled with writing that goes all the way back to my freshman year of high school (I journaled way before this but most of my elementary/middle school journals are just talking about what I ate that day and what classmate might have upset me or how I did in a softball or volleyball game). It wasn't until high school till I started to really understand what my relationship with Christ looked like. I found myself struggling with prayer - it was hard for me to think of the words to say. So I did what I normally did - I wrote in my journal. But, I started directing every thought and emotion to God. Every praise, fear, and doubt turned into a prayer that was meant for my Heavenly Father. Because I knew He knew the answer and the truth that Matthew 6:33 said - "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need". Or the truth in Jeremiah 29:11-12 - “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen". All of those journals are prayers to God, filling Him in on what’s going on (like He doesn’t already know lol), praising, repenting, and asking for guidance and changes of heart. Journaling is a way to take your time with what you want to say to God without having to think about it on the spot when you're praying out loud. It allows your heart and head to get in line with one another to exemplify the ever flowing thoughts that might flood your brain.
It’s been about a month since I’ve picked up my journal to just write to God. Writing is my own personal way of connecting, releasing everything that’s built up in my heart or head, and handing it over to the One that already knows, but wants to hear it from me. Writing brings to light things that have been hidden for some time and allows me to just rest. It brings written out confessions that I'm too scared to say out loud. It brings out the truth - that I am almost always never wanting to give up control. When the words hit the paper, it's real. It's vulnerable. And you're handing them over to the one who knows the next step. Needless to say, God reveals Himself to me in my written prayers. Often, by the end of a journal entry that was all about worry, guilt, and stresses that are occupying my mind, I find myself writing out praises of truths that He has placed on my heart to write.
So I encourage you - write it allllll out of you’ve been feeling similar things. You might not think you have the time to do so. And I totally get it. Life can be crazy busy and sometimes your to-do lists are longer than you imagined. But take those 5-10 minutes you’d spend scrolling through Instagram (I am guilty of this errrryday) and sit down with your honest feelings and thoughts and release them to the One that handles it all. Release the worry that you have about losing your job. Release the fear that you have about a family member. Release the stress of your mile long to-do lists. Release the joy you felt after talking to a good friend. Release the praise of an answered prayer. Release everything that weighs on your heart - the good and the bad. He listens. He is in control. And He rejoices with you. Write it out when you can't find the words. Never quit talking to Him.